Food is my addiction

Half way to my goal and I'm still learning a lot.  This past week was Halloween, I was thinking I should plan a treat for Halloween,  what do I want candy, cupcake, or some other treat?  What should I choose..........flash back to when I was in 8th grade.  In Aug. I went in for my routine physical for sports.  I had been feeling really strange for a month or so but didn't think much of it.  In my physical they found that I needed to be tested for diabetes.  The doctor wanted me to go on a diabetic diet for a few months and come back and get tested again.  So, that is what I did, the next test would not be until after Halloween.  Just like any kid I was super sad that I did not get candy on Halloween.  "WHAT NO CANDY ON HALLOWEEN?"  HOW CAN WE NOT HAVE CANDY ON HALLOWEEN?  EVERYONE NEEDS CANDY ON HALLOWEEN.....guess what I survived back then and I survived this Halloween with no candy.  The more I thought about it, the more...

Have you ever thought about why you do something?  What is the "Why" you get up in the morning?  What is the "Why" that you go to work, or what is the "why" you do things for your family?  This past week I've thought a lot about my "why" I want to lose weight.  When I first started this journey in January, my why was because I wanted to feel better and not hurt so much.  I wanted to eat healthy to see if that would help me feel better.  So, being down 75 lbs and feeling so much better than I have in years I reached my "why".   I feel better than I have in years.  When I say years I mean years and years.  I have more energy and more stamina than I have had in years.  So, my "why" was reached.  In my mind I felt like I accomplished my goal and I would be just fine being this weight and eating the way I have been and knowing it was ok to splurge here and there as long as I still felt good.  I got lax in my plan and decided I ...

I decided a long time ago that I would have no regrets.  I believe I have told you before but my mom and dad were older when they had me.  My mom asked me once if I regretted them having me.  I told her NO WAY because I really believed that I had the best parents for me and the time they had me was the right time for me. So that began my journey of never regretting what happens to me in my life.  This no regretting carries on into my weight loss journey.  There are some days that I think I might regret eating something, but instead of regretting it I think about what I can learn from it.  So now my regrets are blessings, because I try to find one or two things to learn from that choice.  This last few months there are some very hard lessons that my family has had to learn.  I do not regret one of those hard lessons.  One thing I do consider is what do we learn from this?  How do you still keep on going when life kicks you when your are ...

Wow what a summer!  School is back in session and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I had a great summer watching my grandson and a stressful one too.  I started my masters degree in reading and tried figuring out the best way to keep going on this weight loss journey even when stress hits you in full force.  Wednesday when school started I got on the scale and look at my weight.  I was lower than I have been in probably 10 years. I finally broke the 10 pound block I was in all summer and realized I lost 16 lbs over the summer.  I did better than I thought I was doing while I was bouncing around the same 10 lbs.  It really made me realize my journey is not about the number on the scale.  I walk 6 days a week and being out side is great therapy, also my grandson is great therapy.  The other day I took him outside and we just stood out there until his mom came to get him.  He loved it!  He loved watching our dog!  I tell you what I ...

A few years ago we had a superintendent at our school that told us Failure is Not an Option.  She was referring to our students.  To her if our students were failing then we as teachers were not doing our job. She wanted us to do all we could to make sure our students were not failing, call home, adjust their assignments, give them more time to do their work.  We had to fill our a paper to prove that we were doing all we could to  make sure our students did not get a failing grade.  So what were we supposed to do when  they just didn't care. Oh and really as a teacher you want to help your students succeed.   Today I want to talk to you about failure and why it is OK to fail at something. Sometimes in life we fail to succeed. What I've learned  in this life is there is opposition in all things.  Good for bad, holiness for misery, righteousness for wickedness,  life for death, corruption for in-corruption(2 Nephi 2). You experience...

Happy Summer everyone.  I'm off of school right now the perfect time to learn a new way of eating.Today I reached a new mile stone.  I'm down 40 lbs since January 1, 2019.   5 months of hard work and dedication.  I've lost 40 lbs but I've gained a whole lot more.  I've gained a better understanding of what food means to me.  I've gained a better understanding of what I want my relationship to food to be.  I love life not food!  Recently I started intermediate fasting....if that is what it is called. I eat 2 meals a day.  That has been really hard.  I won't lie, Very hard.  You would not think going from 3 meals a day to 2 meals a day would be that big of a deal but for me it has been hard.  What I do like about it is I only have to plan 2 meals now.  My biggest problem is figuring out how much food I need to eat so I don't feel like I'm starving.  haha  I keep telling myself that if I feel hungry my body is ...

When I was a little girl my mom and dad would load us in the car with rakes and hoes.  We would travel to Heber AZ to clean the graves of my grandparents, sisters, and other family graves around them.  I loved doing this!  It is one of my all time favorite memories.  I still do this with my kids or like today my kid.  We went to Pima and Thatcher Cemetery but all the graves were already cleaned so we didn't have much to do.  I love this day, I love thinking about all those who paid a huge price so I could have the freedom I have today.  I love thinking of my ancestors and all they went through so I could have the freedom I have today.  I love this country.  I love the flag and what it represents.  I may disagree with the leaders from time to time but I do not disagree with what this country stands for.  FREEDOM! The next time you want to sit  while the National Anthem is being sung or the next time you do not put your hand on...

A couple of weeks ago I went to a training for school.  Like most training's I was afraid I would get nothing out of it.  This time though I had Christi coach me through changing my attitude about training's and I was all set to learn.  Little did I know that on the second day of training's my life would be changed from one of the speakers.  John Izzo author of Stepping Up , How taking Responsibility Changes Everything.  I had not read the book, shame on me, but I am reading it now. The first 2 sentences talk about what I want to talk about today.  "Responsibility changes everything.  The Moment we decide that we are the ones who are capable of and responsible for changing things everything shifts." He goes on to say "You are responsible for your own happiness, for the success of your relationships, for the morale of your workplace, for the success of the company where you work, and for your life. What's more, you are responsible for poverty, for glo...

Tonight when my 17 year old son and I were heading up town, we had a conversation about how girls feel about their body image.  He said this girl has a hard time because she is a little over weight.  I said ya there are  a lot of girls big or small that have a hard time with what their  body looks like.  I  then had a moment when something our Prophet Pres. Nelson said.  He said in April 2018 "  My beloved brothers and sisters, I plead with you to increase your spiritual capacity to receive revelation..........Choose to do the spiritual work required to enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost and hear the voice of the Spirit more frequently and more clearly. We need the influence of the Holy Ghost to help us know our body  is perfect for us.  Can we take care of it better.....YES, But guess what you need to love the body you have all the time.  Satan attacks us We are in a spiritual battle that has never before been seen in the history o...

If you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do. by Jeffrey R. Holland When I was first married, my mother asked me what it is I call my mother- in- law.  I told her I didn't know what to call her.  My mother looked at me and said  "Lena, she is now your mother too, you should call her mom."  So that is what I did.  I started calling her mom and she became a very important person in my life.  So today I share with you my Mother-in-law.  She is a great inspiration to me.  My mother-in- law and I do not have a traditional relationship associated with that title.  We are great friends and I love her like my own mother.  I love her because she mothered my husband.  I love her because she loves my kids and they love her.  I love her because she is a great example as to what a true woman should be.  I would do anything for her and I know...

Since January I have been one the most crazy, amazing  roller coaster rides. Learning to feel your feelings is a very interesting ride to say the least.  This week marks 4 months I started my weight loss journey.  This weekend when I weighed in I not only reached the 30 lbs mark but I beat it by 2 lbs.  Haha  2 lbs is 2lbs and that put me ahead of my game I am playing. The feel better game that has many ups and downs.  So here is the difference this time that I have never had before. Last week I did not lose any weight at all, that is very frustrating.  You work so hard and the scale does not budge at all so what do I do now that I didn't do in the past.  Now I change things up and keep at it.  Before I would say Oh gosh I worked so hard why didn't I lose weight.Oh just forget it.  It really doesn't matter what I eat anyways.  So  now I feel that frustration and I stick to my plan.  I have 8 weeks to lose 18 lbs to mee...

Today I would like to share with you my testimony of Our Savior Jesus Christ!  One of my all time Favorite Songs is I know that My Redeemer Lives.  Just to quote a few words from that awesome song.  "I know that my Redeemer Lives, What comfort this sweet sentence give.  He lives, my kind, wise heav'nly Friend. He lives and loves me to the end. He lives, and while he lives, I'll sing. He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King. He lives and grants me daily breath. He lives, and I shall conquer death." When I was 13 years old I believe I had my first taste of death.  My baby nephew died and I really did not understand why that would happen.   I remember going into my bed room and crying for a long time.  I finally came out of my room and asked my mom why do bad things happen, why did Heavenly Father have to take away my nephew.  It was not fair at all.   My mom took me in her arms and let me cry for a little while.  ...

46 years ago I joined the most wonderful family!  When I was born I had 11 siblings two that had passed on to the next life, 11 nieces and nephews and parents that chose to have me at an age that was not young.  My sister just older than me was almost 10 years old and I was very much planned.  I talked about this a little bit before but today I feel like it is a story that I want to share. A little bit about my parents.  They truly are my rock.  My Dad grew up in Texas going to the Baptist Church.  My mom grew up in Northern Arizona going to  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  My father was 12 years older than my mother. He was married before so when they got married he had 3 children, 2 that lived with him.  My father was my mother's dream come true.  When she married him she became a mother instantly and that was her dream. My father had 3 children with his first wife.  When I came along they were all grown and h...

As I sit in my family room on a peaceful Sunday afternoon, I look upon the wall and see my children's faces.   My family is my  most prized possession.  On March 30th every year I stop and ponder what happened to my husband and I  25 years ago.  Our first child was born.  Sometimes we don't refer to her as our first child because she did not make it past the womb. Flash back to November 26, 1993 That is the day Chris and I started our family.  We were married for time and all eternity in the Mesa Temple.  We are members of The Church of Jesus Chris of Latter Day Saints.  We believe that when a couple is married it is forever and all our children are ours forever.  Within the first month of marriage I found out I was pregnant.  That was my dream come true.  All I  had ever wanted in this world was to be a wife and mother and for me it was happening. The last week of March we went to our scheduled Ultra Sound, It was ...

Well   it has happened  but this time I was ready for it. I lost 20lbs and stopped. Super frustrating and super disappointing.  But here is where I proved to myself that  this time is different.  In the past when I would get stuck at the 20 or 30 lbs  I would quit!  I would say oh well I'm just going to go get some ice cream.  I would get so frustrated and upset that I would turn to food.  So you might ask what did you do this time?  My initial thought was well I knew this would happen.  My second thought was so what are you going to do about it?  Guess what not once .....not once did the thought oh well I'm going to go get ice cream ....come into my mind.  This time what came into my mind was ok maybe I need to shock my body and eat even less.  So that is what I did.  I won't know until Saturday if I lost weight this week.  But even if I didn't, I feel so much better and guess what.  I am one step...

Before I dive into this weeks blog I would like to share some great news with you. I am a grandma and this has made me very happy.  I can't even express how happy I am at the thought of seeing my first grand child!  It truly is the best thing ever.  Another  happy note is I've lost 20 lbs in 10 weeks and feeling great!  I workout 5 or 6 times a week by doing Pilates from the Balanced live with Robin, I walk over 10000 steps a day. And I try to fit in 15 min of walking that is not because I have to.  I love listening to pod casts by Brooke Castillo, and Chantel Allen.  Seriously look them up they have changed my life.  I love Coaching with Christy Lee.  That is a highlight of my week. Being a healthy eater is a priority  to me now and I love it! Now for my topic IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS..........I've been thinking a lot about how I perceive how others look at me.  This really has been a struggle for my whole life and this past coup...

     I want to get a little personal with you right now as I talk about feelings.  One of the hardest things I have learned on this journey is how to feel my feelings.  I've talked a little bit about it  in my past blogs but right now I'm going to go a little deeper.      For years I've tried to hide my feelings..... I remember when I was a kid little things would make me cry and I would try so hard to hold those feelings back, thinking I was weak and did not have a reason to cry---- I  look back now and know that those feelings were because of embarrassment or I was humiliated or just plain sad.  I wish I could say I had patience when my own kids inherited that same quality,  I did not but I had a little more patience than my husband did.  haha Did you know that feelings should  be felt and not hid.  Think about it.  Our husband does something that upsets us but instead of telling him or better yet letti...

What if  you could control your thoughts and feelings by learning how to deal with your circumstances? This week I want to talk about Circumstances-  What are they? "Circumstances are Everything outside of us, they are Neutral, Facts, Really Boring, Everyone would agree about them." I debated on talking about death as a circumstance because it is such a hard thing to go through.  I decided to go ahead and talk about it because I want you to know what I have learned about one of  the hardest experience I've gone through. Death is a very strong circumstance that hits everyone in a different way.  When my baby was 10 months old My father passed away.....  let me take you back to that time 14 years ago this  April.  After my baby was born I knew this would most likely be my last child.  I had very mixed emotion about that, anyways, At 2 months old I had the doctors diagnose him with Asthma and told them to send me to the Asthma specialis...

Anyone that knows me even a little knows or should know I have not liked chocolate for 15 years.  People ask me how can you not like chocolate?  I just don't like it anymore.  There was a day I (needed) wanted chocolate everyday of my life. When I was pregnant with my last child I got so sick off of an Almond Joy no less--- My kids tease my youngest telling him " you ruined chocolate for mom" I tell him "it was the best thing that happened to me."  I tell others I may not eat chocolate but I sure have made up for it in other ways, while I point to the wonderful body I have. HaHa   My son says it really was the coconut that made me sick ( he hates coconut). Anyways what ever it is that you crave, white chocolate, caramel, Ice Cream, donuts, cake, ice cream( yes I know I said this twice) ( these are my go to treats by the way)  or Chocolate.  Whatever you say you love to eat, whatever it is..... why, why, why do we always turn to food?  Why wh...

This is my new Mantra : Love Life Not Food!  I can be a healthy eater!  These are my new sayings.  I really do want to be a healthy eater.  I want to eat the way I should to be healthy.  In the last 3 years I . have gained and lost the same 10 lbs probably 20 times.  Yoyo dieting is not for me.  I've tried it all.  Really I have.  I have a dear friend Christy Lee that has been by my side in this crazy weight loss endeavor.  Last summer she introduced me to a book called "If I'm so smart Why can't I lose weight?" by Brooke Castillo.   That book really struck  a cord with me.  The same week I started reading that book I went to a training for work on "trauma". I learned that some trauma that happened to me as a child could be part of the reason I struggle with weight loss. Let's talk a little bit about trauma. Trauma can show up in many different forms.  Losing a loved one, getting hurt, or anything that is out of...