Count your many blessings
As I sit in my family room on a peaceful Sunday afternoon, I look upon the wall and see my children's faces. My family is my most prized possession. On March 30th every year I stop and ponder what happened to my husband and I 25 years ago. Our first child was born. Sometimes we don't refer to her as our first child because she did not make it past the womb.
Flash back to November 26, 1993 That is the day Chris and I started our family. We were married for time and all eternity in the Mesa Temple. We are members of The Church of Jesus Chris of Latter Day Saints. We believe that when a couple is married it is forever and all our children are ours forever. Within the first month of marriage I found out I was pregnant. That was my dream come true. All I had ever wanted in this world was to be a wife and mother and for me it was happening. The last week of March we went to our scheduled Ultra Sound, It was an exciting day and we wanted to find out what we were having and we were so excited to see a picture of our little one. As I laid on the table waiting for the doctor to tell me anything and everything. He used the machine to scan all over my abdomen. The whole time he did not say a word. I had never done this before so I just laid there and waited. After a few minutes the doctor turned off the machine and clasped his hands together.He told my husband and me that there was no heart beat. I looked at my husband and I looked at the doctor in disbelief and asked what are you saying, my baby died? He very quietly said to me yes.
I sat there in disbelief, they told us we would be going home and we would have to come back the next day or in two days I really don't remember. But we would be going home and coming back to deliver our baby that had died inside me.
I remember going home and Chris told me to go in and take a shower. I remember standing in the shower and sobbing for the loss of my child. My child I would never get to hold, my child I would never get to name, my child I would not get to see. Really I had no idea what to think at that point. I had no idea what the next day would bring. All I knew is I was crying and that is what started my love of washing my tears down the drain.
So the day we went to the hospital I had hoped when we saw my doctor that he would do another test, he would tell me that they were wrong. He didn't.......so I was admitted to the hospital for them to induce me so I could have my baby, my baby that I would not be taking home. Chris and I sat in the hospital room all day long waiting and waiting, contracting and getting sick. At 5pm the doctor came into the room to check me.....I was progressing very slowly, I remember looking at Chris and telling him to get his dad here to give me a blessing because I could not continue doing this all night long. I was sick I was tired I was super sad and I just wanted the nightmare over. It looked as if the nightmare was going to happen for a very long time. Chris and his dad gave me a blessing, I don't even remember what was said or what was done but I do know that within 2 hours my beautiful baby girl was born. When the nurse handed her to me she was perfect. Her little hand was behind her head, she looked to be sleeping just like her father slept. When I looked at Chris I could see that that little one was finally real to him. Doctor Kartchner did the best thing for me when he told Chris that I would have a harder time with this whole experience because the moment I was pregnant was the moment I became a mom. Not until the moment he saw her did he realized he was a dad. I could see that in his face when he saw her. He was a dad and I was a mom to this precious angel.
I still reflect on this day in my life. I count my blessings that for a moment I could feel her kick inside me 1 week before she was born. I feel blessed that she was my first born child. I feel blessed that Heavenly father heard that prayer and she came so quickly.
My hope with this blog is that for anyone struggling with something , Please stop for a moment and find the blessing. In any struggle you can find a blessing. Sometimes it is very hard but I promise there is a blessing in that trial. The Lord is mindful of us and our struggles. He loves us so much that we can't even comprehend it. Do we have pain.....YES! Do we have joy.....YES! We can not truly feel the joy without experiencing the pain. So find joy in the journey no matter what we are doing.
Flash back to November 26, 1993 That is the day Chris and I started our family. We were married for time and all eternity in the Mesa Temple. We are members of The Church of Jesus Chris of Latter Day Saints. We believe that when a couple is married it is forever and all our children are ours forever. Within the first month of marriage I found out I was pregnant. That was my dream come true. All I had ever wanted in this world was to be a wife and mother and for me it was happening. The last week of March we went to our scheduled Ultra Sound, It was an exciting day and we wanted to find out what we were having and we were so excited to see a picture of our little one. As I laid on the table waiting for the doctor to tell me anything and everything. He used the machine to scan all over my abdomen. The whole time he did not say a word. I had never done this before so I just laid there and waited. After a few minutes the doctor turned off the machine and clasped his hands together.He told my husband and me that there was no heart beat. I looked at my husband and I looked at the doctor in disbelief and asked what are you saying, my baby died? He very quietly said to me yes.
I sat there in disbelief, they told us we would be going home and we would have to come back the next day or in two days I really don't remember. But we would be going home and coming back to deliver our baby that had died inside me.
I remember going home and Chris told me to go in and take a shower. I remember standing in the shower and sobbing for the loss of my child. My child I would never get to hold, my child I would never get to name, my child I would not get to see. Really I had no idea what to think at that point. I had no idea what the next day would bring. All I knew is I was crying and that is what started my love of washing my tears down the drain.
So the day we went to the hospital I had hoped when we saw my doctor that he would do another test, he would tell me that they were wrong. He didn't.......so I was admitted to the hospital for them to induce me so I could have my baby, my baby that I would not be taking home. Chris and I sat in the hospital room all day long waiting and waiting, contracting and getting sick. At 5pm the doctor came into the room to check me.....I was progressing very slowly, I remember looking at Chris and telling him to get his dad here to give me a blessing because I could not continue doing this all night long. I was sick I was tired I was super sad and I just wanted the nightmare over. It looked as if the nightmare was going to happen for a very long time. Chris and his dad gave me a blessing, I don't even remember what was said or what was done but I do know that within 2 hours my beautiful baby girl was born. When the nurse handed her to me she was perfect. Her little hand was behind her head, she looked to be sleeping just like her father slept. When I looked at Chris I could see that that little one was finally real to him. Doctor Kartchner did the best thing for me when he told Chris that I would have a harder time with this whole experience because the moment I was pregnant was the moment I became a mom. Not until the moment he saw her did he realized he was a dad. I could see that in his face when he saw her. He was a dad and I was a mom to this precious angel.
I still reflect on this day in my life. I count my blessings that for a moment I could feel her kick inside me 1 week before she was born. I feel blessed that she was my first born child. I feel blessed that Heavenly father heard that prayer and she came so quickly.
My hope with this blog is that for anyone struggling with something , Please stop for a moment and find the blessing. In any struggle you can find a blessing. Sometimes it is very hard but I promise there is a blessing in that trial. The Lord is mindful of us and our struggles. He loves us so much that we can't even comprehend it. Do we have pain.....YES! Do we have joy.....YES! We can not truly feel the joy without experiencing the pain. So find joy in the journey no matter what we are doing.
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