Self-Doubt Vs. Mindfulness and Gratitude

 In the past few months Self- doubt has crept into my life.  I've always been one to talk myself out of doubting myself and my abilities.  Starting a Blog or a Pod-Cast does not help with self doubt.  Self-doubt is all in our head.  We can never know what other people think about us.  We can never know how other people really feel about us, because either one they don't tell you how they feel or two they are so wrapped up in their own life they don't have time for what you are doing.  I've learned that usually 9 times out of 10 people are thinking mostly about what is going on in their life and not worrying about you.

    When I first started teaching school back in 2011, I struggled, I had such a hard time finding my place as a teacher.  After two years of teaching, I did not feel like I was a very good teacher and I felt like teaching was not what I wanted to do my whole life.  I got on my knees and prayed for some help and guidance in knowing how I could be a better teacher.  Our school hired a reading coach to work with our K-2 teachers the previous year.  I was so glad she was not going to come into my room because I felt so inadequate as a teacher.  Well  shortly after my prayer, the principal and district asked her to start working with the 3rd grade teachers.  I was part of that team. She came into my room to watch me and at the end of the day she came back and not in so many words she had me thinking I was a terrible teacher and I needed to find a new profession.  I walked out of that meeting feeling like I was in the wrong profession and I needed to quit my job.  I was so hurt, angry and done with teaching.  

    The thing is, she was not the one that made me feel that way, I was already feeling that way because I had so much self-doubt in my abilities as a teacher.  That was a Friday and I walked out of the school thinking I was going to put in my resignation and never go back to teaching.  I cried all weekend and my husband put up his protective barrier and told me that if I didn't talk to the principal about this woman, he was going to.  He really felt like no body should make his wife feel the way I felt that weekend.  It was a hard weekend of me doubting myself and doubting everything I was capable of.  That Sunday I had come to my senses and in a prayer, I felt like maybe this woman was brought into my life to help me realize the teacher I could be come.   I took some humble pie and decided that I was going to learn all I could from her and in the process I hoped to learn how to help my students become better at reading and life.  I learned a lot from her in the next few years. The biggest thing I learned was that I was not doing as bad as I thought.  I just needed some fine tuning.  Really I don't know that I would be in the position I am today without going through that experience.  When I told her and my principal that I almost turned in my resignation over that experience, they both felt so bad that I felt that way.  It made me realize that they didn't think I was an awful teacher, they just wanted to help me be a better teacher.  From that experience, I learned that just because someone says something to you does not mean they meant it the way you took it.  That is why communication is so very important.  If  I would have just thought they thought I was a terrible teacher and quit my job without talking to them. I would have missed out on so many learning experiences that I had through the years.  I would not be a reading intervention teacher now and I would not have realized that I love teaching! And I'm good at it!  Self-doubt would have sent me into a down ward slop that would not have ended very good I'm afraid.  I'm glad I never found out what self - doubt would have led me to with that experience. In any hard situation there is a great learning experience if we open our mind to think, WHAT CAN I LEARN FROM THIS 

    A couple of months ago I started working on how to get myself out of a self-doubt episodes.  It seems the older I get the more anxiety I have.   I need to train my brain to find myself and think different thoughts when I start having self-doubt.  I've always done this to an extent but now I am taking a step back and learning to feel my feelings and approach things in a more mindful way. In a book I am reading called The Self-Confidence Workbook by Barbara Markway and Celia Ampel, it says "Mindfulness is intentionally paying attention to the present moment with an attitude of openness and curiosity." I feel that as a whole people think on the past way too much and then we worry about the future way too much.  When you find yourself thinking  about things that you can't do anything about, I suggest to stop and breathe 10 deep breaths.  Focus on the breathing in and breathing out.  This will help you get oxygen into your brain and it will help you think about breathing instead of the problem.  Next, write 10 positive things about yourself. Even if it is I have a pretty smile, or I smiled today.  There is always something positive you can say, even I got out of bed this morning.  Getting out of bed is the first step to doing something positive.  Look yourself in the mirror and say something positive about yourself that you usually think is negative.  

When I was struggling with being a teacher, I would look in the mirror everyday and say "I am a good teacher, I love my students and teach them the best that I can". That phrase helped me in so many ways, it helped me through out the day, when I would start thinking I am not a very good teacher, I would say to myself, I am a good teacher!  Those words changed my feelings about teaching.   Now with trying to lose weight, I am going to look in the mirror and say " I am a healthy eater, I choose foods that help me function at my highest level of empowerment."  Next I am going to write down 3 things I am grateful for.  It is proven that if you focus on things you are grateful for, it will help change the way your brain thinks.  If you want to help your marriage, think of things that you are grateful for in  your spouse.  If you want to help your relationship with one of your children, think of things that you are grateful for in that child. If you want to be a better mom all the way around, be grateful for what you did do that day.  Focus on the positive things you did and not the negative.  An Attitude of Gratitude is so important and it will help in any situation.  I urge you to try it!  I know these things have helped me in so many ways.  

Alright, everyone, Be grateful for what you do have, think happy thoughts and  Have a great week!