A Different Kind of Mission

Last year in 2015 I set out to lose weight.  I had a plan and I did awesome.  I followed my plan for 6 months and then I went on a trip with my husband and my plan got lost.  I thought for sure I had found a plan that I could do and I could finally make changes to my eating style that would become a part of me forever.  On that trip I stuck to my plan for 1 week, the second week I just wanted to eat what I wanted and didn't want to think about eating healthy and exercise. I just wanted to do what ever and not worry about what went into my mouth.  Well that was a bad idea because once I got home all my bad habits that I quit for 6 months came back to me and the next 6 months I gained back everything I had lost in the previous 6 months.  WHY? I ask myself this every time I put a donut into my mouth.  Every time I eat junk that I know will make me feel crappy(sorry no other way to say it) as soon as I eat it. In the last 6  months I have come to the conclusion that I am addicted to food.  I love to eat.  It does not matter what it is.  I love fruits and veggies, I love cakes, ice cream, and cookies. I love main dishes, I love salads. I love the taste of food. One thing I don't like is how I feel for days after eating certain foods.  So WHY do I eat those yummy foods even though, as I put the food in my mouth I know how I am going to feel in a couple of hours after I eat it. I know how that food will make my body feel for days after I eat it.  Here is my way of coming clean to my addiction.  I am learning that the first step to addiction recovery is to be honest with myself and I am admitting that "I am powerless to overcome my addictions and that my love has become unmanageable.  My eating is out of control.
I would find myself hiding what I was eating from my husband, or my kids.  They didn't say anything about what I was eating but for me, I didn't want them to know that I was eating more junk, another donut or another bowl of ice cream.  I knew I shouldn't do it but I did. If I hid it then I don't know what.  I just didn't want them to know.   Something I didn't know until I started reading the Addiction Recovery Program that The Church of Jesus Christ put out was "When we, as addicts, resorted to lies and secrecy, hoping to excuse ourselves or blame other, we weakened spiritually.  With each act of dishonesty, we bound ourselves with "flaxen cords" that soon became as strong as chains."  These words hit me hard because I honesty is so important to me. I did not realize that my desire to eat what every I wanted was actually leading me down a path I didn't want to go.  It was leading me to be dishonest with myself. I don't want to go down that path.  So, here I am choosing a new path one that will heal me and my desire for food.  A new path that will lead me to be a better wife, mother and woman of a Heavenly Father that I know loves me.  Eating Healthy has to be a life style change.  I know I can do it.  I need to just find a way to balance myself with the foods I love and the foods that make me feel good after I eat them.  I'm going to use this blog to help me find my place.

  Along with eating healthy I want to develop some of my Saviors attributes.  The first attribute I will study is Faith, I feel that this attribute is so important in our day and time.  If we don't have faith in our Savior we don't have anything.  As I was reading and studying about faith I realized that I need to work harder at making my faith so strong that I could move a mountain if needed.  I feel I have a lot of faith but I do find myself struggling with believing that he would accomplish anything I ask.  My goal is studying faith is to get rid of all doubt and fear.  I no longer want to worry about the way this world is going.  I just want to live my life the best I can and know that everything will be ok.  This is where I want my faith to go.
I hope as I share what I am learning that I can help someone out there and help myself become a better person.